Setting up your marriage for success

Setting Your Marriage Up For Success

What Issues to Resolve BEFORE you walk down the aisle

1. Control - Who is in charge of what? This is about fairness. Couples fight
over what they think is unfair. When one feels they are carrying more than their
share of the load, they become angry and defensive. Issues center around
responsibilities for housekeeping, tasks, financial and social obligations.
Watch for reciprocity - where both are willing to take responsibility for their fair
share of the burden.

2. Trust - If you can’t trust your partner, jealousy and suspicion will create
conflicts. You determine trust by watching behavior over time.
Watch for congruence - if what they say matches what they do.

3. Parents/in-laws – The marriage gets crowded with too many people trying to run the show. The couple must be able to set appropriate boundaries with parents and in-laws if they are to define themselves as a couple with a separate identity from parents. They must know how to avoid unnecessary intrusion by parents or they will be split by trying to please too many people.

4. Financial - Financial goals, expectations about spending, savings and managing money must be ironed out. If one has irresponsible spending habits and the other needs financial security by saving, there will be major problems.

5. Anger - If one or the other has anger problems, the couple will not be able to resolve conflict. Anger drives out love and unresolved anger and frustration are major causes for divorce.

6. Lifestyle - Different desires about how you want to live your life will drive a couple apart. Plans for buying a home, plans for starting a family, relationships with family and friends, and spirituality are main issues to resolve.

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