Pretty Pleases

Pretty Pleases

Research shows there is an age old bias that favors physically attractive people. This is no different for children. With the heavy emphasis on beauty in this culture, it is no wonder the attractive child gets more attention, approval and benefits than an unattractive child. An important finding is attractive people have more desirable traits than unattractive people. They are presumed to be smarter, happier, friendlier, more trustworthy, more successful and have less problems than unattractive people. There is a stereotype that “What is Pretty is Good”.

1. Even young children are taught the stereotype early: Snow White and Cinderella are beautiful, kind and loving. The witch and stepsisters are ugly, evil and mean.

2. When asked what it meant to be beautiful, a kindergarten girl answered: “Its like being a princess, everybody loves you”.

3. Teachers rated good looking children as more intelligent and more likely to do well in school.

4. Unruly children are more often given the benefit of the doubt if they are attractive

5. Even young children are biased towards attractive children.

6. Studies show that adults are biased towards more attractive children.

7. Good looking persons are assumed to have more desirable traits. They are thought to be more intelligent, more sociable, more successful, happier, and less deviant.

8. People respond in a more positive manner to attractive people than to unattractive people

9. Researchers talked to elementary school teachers and to caretakers of young children. The more attractive children were the most popular children both with the teachers and the other children. This was a very strong effect - stronger than had been assumed.

Pretty Pleases

1. Parents see the attractive child as most like themselves.

2. Admirable qualities are projected onto the attractive child. The child is perceived as good, smart, fair, friendly and talented.

3. Attractive children are seen as fortunate and special and therefore entitled to more attention and preference. They are given the benefit of the doubt.

4. Parents are more likely to live vicariously through the attractive child. The admiration others give the attractive child gives the parents an ego boost.

5. Parents expect the attractive child to accomplish more in life, to be more successful and to be the center of attention. Parents tend to link good looks to more success in every area of life.

6. Everyone, including parents give good looking children more attention, more value, more positive strokes, more benefits.

7. The child learns that good looks have power and rely on looks to get what they want.

What can parents do?

1. Be aware there is favoritism. It has to be labeled correctly by calling it what it is. Parents do not acknowledge that a child’s looks are the reason for the favoritism and will attribute other qualities as the reason.

2. Praise the admirable qualities and successes of each child in the family.

3. Don’t emphasize the attractiveness of the child. Focus on admirable qualities and behavior of the child.

4. Realize that favoritism is defeating to the other children.
They will feel they can’t measure up no matter what they
do. This often becomes a lifelong self-defeating belief.

5. Recognize that favoritism will set the favored child up for jealousy, envy and attacks from other children.

For more information, check my website:
http://www.catburton.com

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